Wednesday: Before Editing and After

Before Editing and After

Today’s installment of BEA comes courtesy of ANONYMOUS.

“Oh please, Grant. You know, you’re right to be ashamed of yourself, you tracksuit-wearing hypocrite. Not because you’re a hypocrite, but because you’re too fucking afraid to admit it. And isn’t that just a bit mad? Brother, you’ve killed more than the number of times you’ve fucked your wife.”

“Oh, please, Grant. You’re just a hypocrite in a tracksuit. You’re right to be ashamed of yourself—you can’t even admit it! And isn’t that mad, Brother? You’ve done more killing than fucking.”

How would you have rewritten it? Put your answers in the comments below!

Would you like a free paragraph-edit? To be featured in Before Editing and After, send your passage of up to 150 words (along with your name and a link to your webspace) to Blog@CiceroGrade.com. Thanks!

Wednesday: Before Editing and After

Before Editing and After

Before Editing and After highlights writing that may not be bad originally, but that has improved after Cicero Grade’s suggestions. Sometimes we stumble upon writing somewhere on the Internet and offer a few suggestions to the author privately. The piece is available to the public (at least at the time of publication here), and we never post more than a few lines. If the authors change the availability of their piece, or they ask we take down their writing here, we will do so. It is meant as a learning tool.

We thank Anonymous for sharing a bit of her prologue.

Before:

Sniffing, I could smell the sweet perfume she wore. Glancing around the corner, she appeared into my line of vision. A pretty girl, with sun-blonde hair pulled tightly back. She stared over her shoulder, as if something was lurking in the shadows. A hint of fear spread in her eyes.
And fear was what I enjoyed the most.

After:

I could smell her sweet perfume. She didn’t see me when she glanced around the corner, and she walked on, peeking over her shoulder. She was pretty–young and blonde–but that wasn’t why I chose her; it was in her eyes, spreading to her beating heart, to her clutching hands, to her quick steps.

It was fear.

How would you have rewritten it? Put your answers in the comments below!

Would you like a free paragraph-edit? To be featured in Before Editing and After, send your passage of up to 150 words (along with your name and a link to your webspace) to Blog@CiceroGrade.com. Thanks!

Wednesday: Before Editing and After

Before Editing and After

Are you on the fence about hiring an editor? That’s understandable; I write perfect prose, too. However, I’m going to make you look at this. Our new series, Before Editing and After, highlights writing that may not be bad originally, but that has improved after Cicero Grade’s suggestions.

For our debut BEA post, we thank writer Judi for sharing a bit of her short story. You’re awesome, Judi!

Before:

Many times I lie awake staring at the walls, and feel as if I’m waiting for the hush to fall so deep that Death will come at last and take me. I’ll just close my eyes and never wake up. He’ll take my hand and we’ll walk out the front door together.

After:

Often I lie awake and stare at the walls, the silence so deep that Death could come at last and take me. I’ll just close my eyes and never wake up; he’ll take my hand and we’ll walk out the front door together.”

How would you have rewritten it? Put your answers in the comments below!

Would you like a free paragraph-edit? To be featured in Before Editing and After, send your passage of up to 150 words (along with your name and a link to your webspace) to Blog@CiceroGrade.com. Thanks!